These made me Chuckle, might make you too

[Kent]

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with 4 young mothers & their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the 1st mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating.
You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the 2nd Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money.
Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the 3rd Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the 4th mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand & whispered, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving."

[Peggy]

ROFL! That's a good one!

[skyrider777]

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with 4 young mothers & their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the 1st mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating.
You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the 2nd Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money.
Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the 3rd Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the 4th mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand & whispered, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving."
good thing the fourth kid wasn't a girl.:confused:

[Peggy]

:rofl:

[topcatoh]

LOL... good one....

[chesney40]

That... was a good one lololol. Thanks for the laugh Penny... I mean Peggy lol

[Peggy]

Don't blame me! That was Kent and Skyrider, lol

[topcatoh]

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing to boil eggs for breakfast, wearing only the tee-shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in almost awake, she turned and said softly, 'You've got to make love to me this very moment.'

My eyes lit up and I thought, 'I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day.'

Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all ... right ther e on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove, her tee-shirt still around her neck.

A little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?'

She explained, 'The egg timer's broken.'

[Kent]

dat were a gud one :rofl:

[Kent]

A cowboy, who is visiting Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, 'You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.'
The cowboy replies, 'Well, y ou see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado When we all left our home in Texas , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself.'
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, 'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.'
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
'Oh, no, everybody's just fine ,' he explains, 'It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.'

'Hasn't affected my brothers though.' ;)

[Kent]

A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. "What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."

[Kent]

Lady Customer: Hi, My PC isn't running right can you help?
Tech Support: 'Sure Ma'am, I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.'
Lady Customer: 'OK.'
Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'
Lady Customer: 'No.'
Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Lady Customer: 'No.'
Tech Support: 'OK, Ma'am. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'
Lady Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.'

[Kent]

Words with two Meanings

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n..
Female....... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male..... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n .
Female.... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys..

4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.!
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female..... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male....... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

[Peggy]

:no:

[Kent]

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned, I couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. I couldn't cut it but that was okay because it was a so-so job to begin with.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.

I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.

Then I tried to be a chef--figured it would add a little spice to my life but I just didn't have the thyme.

Finally, I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patients.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

Thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I wasn't up to it.

So then I got a job in a gymnasium (work-out-center), but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking.

After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

[Kent]

I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made. ;)

[Kent]

Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

[Peggy]

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned, I couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. I couldn't cut it but that was okay because it was a so-so job to begin with.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.

I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.

Then I tried to be a chef--figured it would add a little spice to my life but I just didn't have the thyme.

Finally, I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patients.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

Thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I wasn't up to it.

So then I got a job in a gymnasium (work-out-center), but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking.

After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.omg you just ain't right, lol

[chesney40]

I agree Peggy lolol

[Kent]

ya think? :rofl:

[chesney40]

What I wanna know is, how far down did you have to dig for those? :frog::rolleyes::kiss::gathering:

[Peggy]

You just might be sorry that you asked that question..... :hide:

[chesney40]

:popworm:<<, like that sorry? LOL

[Kent]

What I wanna know is, how far down did you have to dig for those? :frog::rolleyes::kiss::gathering:

I'll just say, that if I had reached down any farther, I'd be elbow deep in china`mens ass :eek:


now, glad you asked?

[Peggy]

What I wanna know is, how far down did you have to dig for those? :frog::rolleyes::kiss::gathering:

You just might be sorry that you asked that question..... :hide:

I'll just say, that if I had reached down any farther, I'd be elbow deep in china`mens ass :eek:


now, glad you asked?

told ya....... :yes:

[chesney40]

You might find some Moo Goo Gai Pan in there if you do that lolol

You never learn anything if you dont ask right? LOL:D:p

[Kent]

You might find some Moo Goo Gai Pan in there if you do that


:huh:


one word ........ ewwwwwwww :eek:

[chesney40]

:DAwwww sorry there didnt meant to gross you out!!!:p

[Peggy]

yeah... you did, LOL :rofl:

[chesney40]

:wtg::cheer::ohyes::rofl::lol3::bunny::D

[Kent]

we need a snort smilie cause I'm sure between the twos of you some was happening :yes:



women, ha! :rolleyes: