View Full Version : Joke I think it's funny, then again I'm a bit whacked
How do you save your wife from drowning?
Take your foot off her head.
What do you call an Ethiopian with a dime on his head?
A nail.
Peggy
01-28-2008, 09:01 PM
:no:
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The old man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000' the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, 'by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,' he said.
Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. 'There's no money in that account.'
'I know,' said the old man, 'But let me tell you about my weekend!
Don't mess with Old People.
Peggy
02-17-2008, 10:56 AM
ROFL! Now that's just dirty :rofl:
NEW Ohio Law: Beware!
The Ohio Highway Patrol are cracking down on speeders heading towards and into the city of Cleveland.
For the first offense, they give you two Cleveland Browns tickets.
If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.
Q. What do you call 47 millionaires sitting around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A. The Cleveland Browns.
Q. What do the Cleveland Browns and Billy Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ."
Q. How do you keep a Cleveland Brown out of your yard?
A. Put up a goal post.
Q. What do you call a Cleveland Brown with a Super Bowl ring?
A. A thief.
Q. How many Cleveland Browns does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A. Nobody knows and we may never find out!
Q. What do the Browns and opossums have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
topcatoh
10-04-2008, 08:52 AM
ROFLMAO Good ones Kent..... too bad it's all true......
Peggy
10-04-2008, 10:23 AM
you guy are bad..... :no:
chesney40
10-04-2008, 02:38 PM
Kent I gotta hug you for the Browns Jokes.. LOLOL:hug::hug::hug1::bighug::wtg::party7: :giggle::giggle::giggle::giggle::rofl::rofl: :rofl4: :D
Kent I gotta hug you for the Browns Jokes.. LOLOL:hug::hug::hug1::bighug::wtg::party7: :giggle::giggle::giggle::giggle::rofl::rofl: :rofl4: :D
Well thank you very much for the hug as I could sure use one right now, after the day I had. See, I had to sit on a jury in a case of child abuse and honestly, it was one of the worse things I've ever had to do.
Hope y'all don't mind if I dump some, but I need to release this emotional train wreak I heard, and since I won't use his real name, maybe I can share some of what my ears had to hear.
I'll call him Johnny.
Johnny was before the courts in a custody hearing after years and years of severe physical abuse. The judge asked him to tell the court about the abuse.
Johnny said his first family didn't want him around at all, and that his father would beat him all the time, then his mother began to beat him, and that the police had taken him away and moved him in with a new family.
The judge asked Johnny how that went.
Johnny sighed and said they too beat him, so he was moved from there and in with a new family, again.
And that went bad son enough and the whole new family would beat him all the time.
And so the story went, taken from one family that beat him all the time and just like all the rest, each new family would have a parent that would beat him, so he was there to ask if he could live with someone else, someone he knew he'd never again have to worry about all that physical abuse.
The judge and us, the jury were highly impressed wtih little Johnny, that not only had he survived all the years of beatings, but that he still had the mind and will and understanding to seek out it seems, those that he'd not need to worry anymore. So the Judge asked him, Johnny, who is it you wish to live with.
Johnny answered, the Browns.
The Browns?, asked the Judge.
Yes, the Cleveland Browns replied Johnny.
Those of us on the jury just looked at each other and some even said a few ahhsss, but the Judge must have not understood and asked him, Johnny, why do you want to live with the Browns?
Johnny said, Cause they never beat anyone!
Peggy
10-05-2008, 11:56 AM
:rolleyes:
chesney40
10-05-2008, 12:14 PM
:Groaner:
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Hey! Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
"The bartender is blond, the bouncer is blond, and I'm a 6' tall, 200 pound blond with a black belt in karate. What's more, the guy sitting next to me is 6'2," weighs 225 pounds, and he's a blond weight lifter." He continues, "The fella to your right is blond, 6'5" and pushing 300 pounds, and he's a wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah! Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.
Peggy
10-09-2008, 10:02 AM
omg that's funny!
chesney40
10-09-2008, 10:57 AM
::: snort snort ::: LOL ( BTW thats what happens when I laugh realllllllly hard lol):D:rofl:
Peggy
10-09-2008, 11:08 AM
::: snort snort ::: LOL ( BTW thats what happens when I laugh realllllllly hard lol):D:rofl:Glad I'm not the only one!! :D
chesney40
10-09-2008, 12:57 PM
Does your belly jiggle too? LOL
Peggy
10-09-2008, 03:01 PM
uh huh it does, cuz I have a rather large one. :giggle:
chesney40
10-09-2008, 06:56 PM
LIke this? LOLhttp://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b244/sunshine2437/laughing.gif
Peggy
10-09-2008, 08:08 PM
HEY! Where'd you find that pic of me?!?!?! :eek:
LOL
chesney40
10-09-2008, 10:07 PM
ohhh gosh Peggy, dont you know? Its ALL OVER THE WEB!!!!! LOL:p:hehe::putersmile1:
Peggy
10-10-2008, 05:40 AM
aarrrgghhhh :faint:
Peggy
10-14-2008, 10:03 AM
Q. What do you call 47 millionaires sitting around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A. The Cleveland Browns.
Q. What do the Cleveland Browns and Billy Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ."
Q. How do you keep a Cleveland Brown out of your yard?
A. Put up a goal post.
Q. What do you call a Cleveland Brown with a Super Bowl ring?
A. A thief.
Q. How many Cleveland Browns does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A. Nobody knows and we may never find out!
Q. What do the Browns and opossums have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
bahahahahah..... and they beat the NY Giants last night!
I think the score was something like................. 27/14 :rofl:
Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, 'I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?'
The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, 'Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick.'
vBulletin® v3.7.2, Copyright ©2000-2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.