groaners

[topcatoh]

:D

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
:frog:

[Peggy]

ROFL!!!!!!

[Kent]

What was the last sound uttered by the guy that jumped off the empire state building last week?



thud

[Peggy]

You ain't right.... :no:

[Kent]

Did you hear about the two peanuts walking in the park?
One was a salted

[Kent]

When a man talks nasty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
$3.99 a minute




What did Raggedy Ann say to Pinocchio as she was sitting on his face?
"Tell the truth! Tell a lie! Tell the truth! Tell a lie!

[Kent]

Light travels faster than sound
This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak




Man who lose key to girlfriend's apartment get no new key




Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk

[Kent]

"Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a pack of cards!"
"Sit down and I'll deal with you later."




"Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a bridge!"
"What's come over you?"

[Kent]

Why do all Iraqi soldiers carry a piece of sandpaper?
They need a map

[topcatoh]

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

[Peggy]

ROFL! I need to find some of these things.

[jozella]

When Cardboard Men Come In Handy

A car gets a flat on the interstate one day. The blonde driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the road, carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. She takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic.



The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to approaching drivers , not surprisingly, the traffic becomes snarled and backed up.



It isn't very long before a police car arrives. The officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling,

'What's going on here?'



'My car broke down, officer' says the woman calmly.



'Well, what the heck are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?' he asks.



'Helllooooooo!!!!' says the blonde. 'Those are my emergency flashers!'

[topcatoh]

OUCH! lol.... good one

[Peggy]

ROFL!!!! :rofl:

[topcatoh]

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

:D

[Peggy]

rofl! He's baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!

[topcatoh]

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

:)

[topcatoh]

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The professor discovered that his theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

:wave4:

[Peggy]

:no:

[topcatoh]

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail. :wave4:

[topcatoh]

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

[topcatoh]

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

[Peggy]

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooook then.... lol