One liners

[topcatoh]

Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back.

Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

:wave4:

[Peggy]

Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back.

...

:wave4:


I must be a pessimist. I'm pretty sure I'll never see a dime of what I loan out, lol

[Raven]

A candidate is someone who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.

A cigarette is a pinch of tobacco, wrapped in paper, fire at one end, fool at the other.

A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.

A cynic is someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

[Peggy]

Those are good too!

[topcatoh]

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Never answer an anonymous letter.

It's lonely at the top; but you do eat better.

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

[Peggy]

...
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
That's MY motto! :nerd:

[topcatoh]

Always go to other people's funerals, or they won't go to yours.

Few women admit their age; few men act it.

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"?

[Peggy]

...

We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"?


I'll take a double...

[topcatoh]

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Campers: Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes.

Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.

[topcatoh]

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

Nuke the Whales.

Save a tree. Eat a beaver.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

[Peggy]

Good ones, Topcatoh! I always look forward to your posts here.



I found a few funny one liners this morning...


Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

My wife has a slight speech impediment. Every now and then she stops to breathe :eek:

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

[topcatoh]

LOL Good ones Peggy

[topcatoh]

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

[topcatoh]

You can't have everything; where would you put it?

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

If you understand something today, it must be obsolete."

bumper sticker - - - - "DANGER: I drive like you do!"

[Peggy]

hahaha these are so good!

[topcatoh]

"A day without sunshine is like, night."

"Earth First. We'll screw up the other planets later. "

Death is the consequence of being alive."

"Don't Take Life Too Seriously; You Won't Get Out Alive"

God gave man a brain and a penis and only enough blood to operate one at a time."

[Peggy]

...
God gave man a brain and a penis and only enough blood to operate one at a time."rofl!!!!! :rofl:

[topcatoh]

Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous. "

Bumper Sticker: Are you following Jesus this close?"

It could be worse. What if sex was fattening?"

Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off. "

Sleep is a poor substitute for coffee

[topcatoh]

I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

If all is not lost, where is it?

It was all so different before everything changed.

A fool is a 27 story window-washer who steps back to admire his work.

Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself)

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

[Peggy]

My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.

Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave, but there's no need to be in the passing lane.

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. -- Johnny Carson

Life ain't about smiling in the sun. It's about learning to dance in the rain.

[topcatoh]

I used to have a handle on life…… but it broke
Every morning is the dawn of a new error

Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way

What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull

A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord

E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage

and that is the end of those......

[Peggy]

All very funny!!